Dododreams

The moments of parental surreality seems to be happening with increasing frequency lately around my daughters.

A couple months ago A had the notorious fifth-grade “now you are a woman” presentation at school, leading her to come home in a mildly confused state, schlepping a little bag filled with three pantyliners, two stick-on pads, one small deodorant and a partridge in a pear tree! Okay, not that last. But at any rate this lead to an evening (when their brother was with at a friend) starting with talking about the whole female menstrual cycle thing and ending with the two of them shooting tampax at each other in some weirdly liberated girlpower version of popguns.

Two weeks ago A came to me and confessed that she had been playing with the afore-mentioned deodorant (coconut mango scented, I might add, ew, who thinks of these things?) and had accidentally demolished it by winding the stick up and down and up and down. Could I would I please please please buy her another? R got into the pleading act too and that lead to a discussion of deodorant versus antiperspirant, a quick demonstration of how to use the stuff (”Don’t bother swiping it up and down your arms,” I wisely advised them, “because arms don’t get stinky.”), and a trip to the grocery store so they could choose their respective products. I was amused that R picked Sure brand “because that sounds so… stable.” Long half-life for her pits, I guess.

Last night A brought up another thing that had been bothering her this summer, the dreaded pre-teen leg hair. I have been kind of wondering if this is why she’s been so vehement about not wearing shorts this year (unless she forgets that she’s vehemently against wearing shorts and puts on a pair, what a girl.) R again overheard and chimed right in with tales of some of her girlfriends sporting secret nicks and cuts on their calves and knees, making me wonder if long pants in the summer would soon be sweeping the tweener set in this school district.

Remembering my own emo “OH MY GOD I’M A GORILLA!!!!” days, I told the two of them that if this was something that bothered them, let’s get the razor out and I’d teach them how to shave their legs. They looked a little worried. Aha though! I meant the electric razor!

So earlier this evening the three of us crowded into the bathroom for razor instruction. I started with the boring part, how the thing works, how you clean it, how you charge it, et cetera. Next they decided on the House Razor Usage rules (ask first, don’t drop it, have dry legs, use it in the bathroom so R won’t forget it in her bed like everything else she borrows) and we were off to shaveville.

Each girl picked out a patch of (let’s be honest here) barely furry skin and I shaved it to show them how to work the little machine. Then R did one leg. Then A did one leg. Then I did A’s other leg and R, feeling like her hands weren’t worn out yet, did her second. Then they sat there, unconsciously rubbing their palms up and down their limbs while we talked through other random questions that had occurred to them. No, hair won’t grow back twice as thick. Yes, some people never bother shaving and do you think shaved legs makes you a better person? A little chorus of “No!”s was, duh, the correct answer. Yes, you could shave your arms but I would highly advise against it because it would itch. Yes, it makes me very happy that they can talk to me about things like this. I hesitate to say this for fear of sounding freaky but it was fun.

Finally they put on some very mild lotion and headed off to bed. Overall I would say it was a successful evening for me as a parent to two young daughters.