Lightweight = light points — TTT 18 Aug
Another home-grown Olympics site, this time rating events by using a formula to rate manliness of certain events and event total points country-by-country on that basis.
In 1982, Bruce Feirstein’s classic Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche blew away the medal count theory by observing that Bruce Jenner’s accomplishment, winning the Decathlon, was far more impressive than the feats of Mark Spitz, who won several gold medals in swimming. Real Men don’t shave their legs.
Medal counts simply don’t work. The medal for prancing around a floor mat is not equal to the medal for super heavyweight boxing. The medal for jumping into water while making the smallest splash is not equal to the medal for throwing a 16-pound ball farther than anyone else. And did you know there are 20 different events for paddling across a pond, while there’s only one Decathlon?
Real Man’s Olympics determines the winning country the only way possible: by basing a country’s score on the manliness of each event won. Judged events get marked down. Redundant events get marked down. Events requiring men to wear nothing but skin-tight underwear (this means you, cycling and swimming) get marked down.
The author doesn’t think much of “girl” events but still, the pros and cons for each event amused me. The US is sucking in the ranking, by the way, as swimming gets low total points due to the shaving and swimsuits.
Examples:
Archery — Individual Archery
Pros — Aim at something and shoot it. This is a contest of strength as well as aim.
Cons — None
Rating — 9 out of 10
Swimming — 109 yard Backstroke
Pros — None
Cons — Why do we care what stroke they use? All that matters is who’s fastest, right? We don’t have footraces where you have to do a jumping jack between each step, or do pirouettes or anything. That would be stupid.
Rating — 0 out of 10
Triathlon — Triathlon
Pros — Running. Definitely an endurance test.
Cons — Swimming (shaving), cycling (Spandex)
Rating — 6 out of 10