Michael Phelps >>>> Chuck Norris — TTT 20 Aug
(Got to keep having Olympics posts, right?)
I do not know why these sort of things amuse me so much, except that often they are so whimsical and witty.
Right now Michael Phelps, renowned American swimmer, is heads above the prior epitome of manliness, Chuck Norris. Why, you ask? Here are a few reasons:
Michael Phelps doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage
Michael Phelps isn’t like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps.
Michael Phelps can make water run uphill.
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult.
Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke.
Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him.
When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps.
Michael Phelps can dribble a football.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably.
When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get wet. Water gets Michael Phelpsed.
Michael Phelps can divide by zero.
When you Google ‘Michael Phelps losing’ you get no results because it just doesn’t happen.
If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he’d win. Period.
Phelps doesn’t sweat, he drips chlorine.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Michael Phelps.
Michael Phelps can swim through ice.
Every time Michael Phelps laughs, an undertow kills 3 orphans.
Rappers no longer wear bling, they wear Michael Phelps.
You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow.
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps…. Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time.
People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing.
Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley.
Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps. This is why waterfalls exist.
As a child, Phelps didn’t wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps.
As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future.