Dododreams

Today I took another of those dopey Facebook quizzes, with the unattractive result that of the Roman Emperors I was most like Caligula. Now this on the face of it is totally ridiculous because I have never declared myself a god, cut my own sister’s guts open to rip out her unborn child, or ridden a horse using a saddle without stirrups. No possible connection to Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus beyond being able to recollect his family name. Once again all that Latin (and Robert Graves) pays off.

Besides I have a suspicion that the quiz creator has only heard of three or four Romans. “Caesar! Yay!” (Er, which one?) “Then there’s that month one, Julius… oh hang on, that was Caesar I think, what was the other summer month that is some Roman dude?” Add in Nero (fiddling, natch) and Caligula and there you go, a full range of answers for a 5 question quiz.

This begs the question why I even went through the process. Boredom, of course, the same boredom that just now led me to consider other Facebook quizzes. Generally they are things like “Which Shakespeare heroine are you?” and “Which oceanside city should you live in?” or even sometimes fey twee topics like “What color would your aura be if you were a teensy cute yet sexalicious faerie queene in teh olde days?” with several typos (I did that one back there on purpose) in the questions. Well whee. What about the ones no one would take?

“What tropical intestinal parasite are you?” complete with pictures of protozoa and worms. Nice.

Or

“What serial killer would you be likely to date?” Dinner with Dahmer, anyone? Tasteless. Or maybe not, did he use a lot of garlic?

(sorry about that)

How about

“What aphrodisiac food should you be?” Notice that these quizzes generally make you “be” some object, which in this case is good because there’s no way I’m actually eating raw oysters. On the other hand, how dismaying to receive the answer that you fail this test, are the anti-sexy, and should just go be a stale french fry or something.

Or

“Which nameless character who is killed in The Lord of the Kings should you be?” The third orc from the left during that one attack, the deformed looking guy who dies by Legolas acrobatics, of course. Maybe for this one I’d luck out and instead be that poor sucker who falls off the top of the gigantic elephant instead, at least that would be slightly more memorable. Better than the miserable schmuck that gets disintegrated blowing up the wall at Helm’s Deep and I have to tell you right now that immediately thinking of so many dead memorable yet nameless characters is making me feel like a giant nerd. Nope, I wasn’t just now remembering that Elf dude that was leading the group through the woods when Arwen has a vision and races back to Elrond.

God, I’m embarrassed now.

So anyway there is a whole world of Facebook quizzes yet to be delved. Who knows? Perhaps I will unleash a set of them on the unsuspecting cyberworld one day. Then you too can discover what second-tier tropical fruit best fits your personality!