Dododreams

Yesterday was a whirlwind. R had a counselor appointment at 6:00 that I was slated to take her to, picking her up after school and feeding her before as well as attending part of the session. All three children had dentist appointments at 1:00 and 1:30, which the ex was escorting them to. After some reminding that he said he would take care of it, he had also arranged to take A to the doctor at 11:00 to see whether her intermittent-yet-persistent stomach pains were a low-level recurrence of last month’s bladder infection. In the meanwhile I was at work, of course, coping with the onslaught of this year’s performance reviews for close to 1,000 people (pestering to get them done, updating the spreadsheet of which ones were done, and inputting the results of the completed ones) as well as dealing with what will hopefully (please god) be the last of Project Liftoff, celebrations of its “success” (that word being used guardedly) in three cities across the country for around 450 people.

Then the phone began to ring. The counselor’s office: she was ill — that appointment was canceled. Next she herself called to reschedule. Then the pediatrician’s office called to remind me to set up vaccination appointments. So far, so good, this was doable. However shortly after that, R called in absolute hysterics to tell me that she had left school and was at her father’s house since she had cooties again and one of their beloved pet rats was very not-good. Apparently Clara’s teeth had become overgrown, she hadn’t been eating, and was dreadfully skinny and listless. Clara is R’s very own rat and R was very scared.

It took a few minutes to talk R down but eventually we agreed that once her father returned from A’s doctor’s appointment she would ask him to call me. If he agreed I would either trim her teeth myself or arrange for a vet appointment to have her looked at and also bring R to the apartment for another prolonged nitpicking session and sleepover. In the meanwhile, R should soak some bread in milk and see if she could encourage Clara to take in a little food. We hung up and after 15 minutes or so she called back to tell me that she had figured out a way to effectively drip this mush into the rat’s mouth through a straw.

A few minutes later I reached the ex and filled him in on the rat situation and my offer for a ratty tooth trim or vet run and hair-by-hair head check. After discussing the probable cost of the veterinarian he decided he would go that route and we hung up.

Ten minutes later I realized I had forgotten to even ask about A’s doctor visit and called him back. Everything was physically okay with her, nothing bacterial happening so that was good.

While all this was going on I was continuing to work, of course, moving people hither and yon in the payroll system to finish off a recent departmental juggling and writing “thanks for all the fish / glad to have you come on board” organizational announcements.

One hour later, another batch of calls back and forth. The dentist appointments had gone well with zero cavities for C and A and one for R with future filling and 6-months-out check-up appointments scheduled. The rat Clara was at the vet with a 3:00 pick-up time and while there was no real evidence of another lice outbreak R swore she saw a wiggler (ick yuck revolting ew ew ew) fall out of her hair which had already been treated with the special shampoo.

Meanwhile back at the work ranch I had finished my mid-month reporting two days early (hurrah!), thankfully completing this complicated yet boring set of calculations on rolling-12-month employee turnover by employee class, length of tenure, and location. Yeehaw.

Final call for the day was to confirm that Clara was back from the vet, somewhat groggy from being anesthicized for her tooth fixing, and all was well Chez Ex.

I was exhausted. This was too much whipsawing back and forth between personal and work life and I was plenty ready to go home to a hot bath, messing around on the computer, a good book, and well-earned sleep.

All of which leads me up to this evening when arriving home after another long day I heard the distinctive whoop-whoop of a message waiting on my phone. Seeing I had missed eight calls from the ex’s house I quickly checked the messages only to hear A’s voice twice. “Clara is not doing well, Mommy, call me,” and, sobbing, “Clara died, Mommy, I wish you would call.” Oh crap.

I called back and A picked up the phone, bursting into tears as she told me of the rat’s decline late this afternoon. We talked for twenty minutes while she told me her story of Clara’s Death, how R was holding her and how all three children petted her and told her they loved her as “she just drifted away.” In return I told her about what I liked about Clara when I got to rat-sit and how loved she was with her very own children to love back. A talked about her very own rat, the deceased Smokey, and how happy she must be to have her sister/companion with her now. We agreed that it was unfair that animals live such short lives but how lucky we all are to have each other to care for, to help our hearts grow in size. Then we did a phone hug (mmmmmMMMM!) and she handed me over to R.

I told R how sorry I was that today was very sad and she started crying. She told me her story of Clara’s Death, how she breathed slower and kind of twitched and then “her spirit just flew out of her.” We agreed that gentle ratty spirit had circled R and C and A before flying away to find Smokey. I reminded her of the Rainbow Bridge and how wonderful it must be to have such magic, that when she is a very old woman and goes across herself that she can sit cross-legged on the ground and every animal she has ever loved will come running and all of them will fit in her lap at once. She said, “That’s beautiful,” and I agreed that it is a lovely thing. I asked her to tell me how she chose Clara in particular from the rats at the store and by the end of that tale she was audibly smiling and laughing. We talked about how Clara ran up my shirt sleeve once when I was rat-sitting and how she’d sit on your knee and look at the world while madly twitching her whiskers. She told me of her favorite memory of Clara. I suggested she email me a picture of Clara and I will print it out so she can have it here and she thought that was a good idea. R felt a little better after talking although very tired so I asked her to put on her jammies right away when we were done talking and crawl into bed to snuggle with her stuffed tiger. She agreed and handed me off to C.

I told C I was sorry they had all had such a sad evening and he told me his story of Clara’s Death. We talked about Lion, his very own ratty, the last of the original three, and how glad he was that Mini and the brand new baby Persephone had come to join the family to keep Lion company. We then hung up and the call was over.

Companion animals are so special. They give us so much, I think, warmth and affection and listening when we need to unburden or simply their presence when we feel very alone. The trade off for this is their shorter lives. To love a pet is to love heartbreak in some ways, a microcosm of the best and saddest of life.

Tomorrow night I will regain my kids for the weekend and I think we will sit in the living room, three children each with a guinea pig and one mom with an old tabby on our laps and talk again about today’s loss. Telling stories about Clara will be happy/sad and hopefully will help them begin to fill in the hole of her loss with good memories.