Archive for the 'Review' Category

The Golden Compass — a Non-review

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

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Confession: I haven’t seen the movie yet.

But I will! Because dude! CGI armored polar bears, are you joking me?

I did read the first book though so I’m allowed to read spoilers of what happens in the film. (I’m also allowed to comment that Nicole Kidman may be perfect for the role but my god, she is looking scarier all the time in real life. I also received a “Mom! You’re mean!” when A figured out what I meant when I said NK had a “fivehead”, heh. But I digress. And I am mean.) The one spoiler that I haven’t read is whether Lyra is as spoiled and selfish precocious as in the novel. I hate to say this, she is the sole reason I haven’t assayed into books 2 and 3.

Anyhow, back to reading spoilers, below is a link to The Editing Room’s concise version of the entire 113 minutes I haven’t seen yet. Whoever wrote this one, it made me giggle.

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SAM ELLIOTT: Howdy, partner. I reckon you’re a-heading on up to the arctic.

DAKOTA BLUE RICHARDS: Ugh, you’re in this movie? Do you even consider yourself an actor?

SAM ELLIOTT: I reckon not. I also reckon you ought’a be getting yourself an armored polar bear. Reckon.

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POLAR BEAR IAN MCKELLEN: I don’t think the bridge will hold us both together. You cross first.

DAKOTA BLUE RICHARDS: Doesn’t that mean that if it’s unstable, it’ll first break with me under it? And since I can’t continue on without you, what’s the point in me crossing and then having the bridge collapse under you, stranding me in the middle of the arctic without a ride?

POLAR BEAR IAN MCKELLEN: Don’t worry, I have a hunch that if I fell down that enormous gaping chasm, I’d simply come back to life in the next movie with whiter fur and more powerful magic.

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Hee!

Here it is! The link!



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